<< because we are t[o] many>>
↓ still shots from JUDE, directed by michael waterbottom ↓
when the sky is ungreyed & i am unfettered with briskly walking back to work from lunch and i am not crouched underneath an umbrella of “should have’s,” i swear my eyes dilate to a notably wide diameter, drinking in the colors and shapes i pass. it becomes a time i am a human, and not a female calculating eyes’ length of stay. it takes discipline to operate upon, rather than resigning to trudging and muddling through, life’s momentum. so frequently, when temporal happiness irritatingly yelps for attention and i resign to shutting out wisdom’s silence, discipline is a weak muscle and it takes inspiration – of an ungreyed day – to alert me that i don’t have to rake the ground behind me with my fingernails each step forward i take, the mulch and dirty particles gathering and pressing against the tender skin of my nailbeds. boulders of burdens rattle against one another behind me. i bring my hands out from behind myself and show them to any audience who might wait and watch.
“look! look at my hard work!”
but sympathy extends an exponentially degrading friendship. tallying complaints comes too easily – and many of those complaints are ignorantly and hurriedly mistaken to be opinions. tallying complaints is far easier than letting the ribbons fall where they may, than suspending incriminating judgments of others, of oneself. continue the tally if relations with the leeching sympathy are trusted, but my bet is entitlement and fear act as both dirt and undertakers of that withering spirit.